Most of our waking hours are spent at work. The stresses we incur at our jobs often comes home with us and can have negative effects on us physically, emotionally and can even affect the relationships we have with our friends and family. Working with a difficult colleague or boss can often be the most stressful part of our job. It is near impossible to change another persons behaviour, but it is possible to change the way you deal with that person and in turn lower your stress level.
The first step in coping with a difficult co-worker is to assess the situation and fully understand the circumstances that you are dealing with. Make notes, writing down the behaviours that bother you immediately after the situation occurs. Documenting the situation ensures the accuracy of your story but also allows you to review the co-workers behaviour at a later time when the dust has settled. It may turn out that it wasn't as bad as first thought.
Using your notes as reference, come up with a plan of action but keep in mind the different personalities that you will encounter. Typically there are six different difficult behaviours that you may have to deal with. By deciding which type of behavious your co-worker is demonstrating, you'll be better armed to handle the situation. You may be able to deal with the person directly but in some cases going to a higher up is the only option.
Following are the six types of difficult behaviour and ways to adapt your own behaviour to better deal with your co-worker:
- Bullies are attacking, accusing, intimidating and confrontational and should be dealt with by standing up for yourself without fighting. Maintain composure and eye contact when dealing with a bully and have them sit if you sit so there isn't an aspect of dominance.
- Angry co-workers are prone to shouting and yelling which often turns to blame. Deal with an angry co-worker by remaining calm. Show them that you take them seriously but inform them that this type of behaviour is not tolerated.
- Know-it-alls can be difficult because of their inability to take correction or contradiction and they can be condescending. You will have to do you homework to deal with a know-it-all. Acknowledge their competence but use the knowledge you've gained to question them firmly.
- Think-they-know-it-alls believe they are experts when they aren't. They want to be valued and considered important. Instead of pointing out what they don't know, state the facts as an alternative version. This way they will still feel smart and important.
- Complainers are the most common. They find fault in everything and complain constantly. There may be truths tho their complaints but they don't take actions to get the complaints resolved. Listen and acknowledge that you heard what they said. Move quickly into solving the problem without comment or apology.
- Negativists are extremely pessimistic and more bitter than complainers. They can bring others down and never look for solutions. Avoid getting drawn into their negativity. State your realistic optimism but don't argue with them.
Decide when your co-workers behaviour is no longer tolerable and make steps to take action. In cases of harassment advice and counsel from management or human resources is always advised.
