Given the current economic climate of instability, rising unemployment rates, and lay-offs, it is important for spouses to understand and address financial challenges before debt consumes their relationship.

Unlike the Great Depression of the early 1930’s and the 1990’s recession, the majority of Canada’s current household debt has been created by families reaching for credit to finance day-to-day living expenses. According to a 2009 report from the Ottawa-based Vanier Institute of he Family, many Canadian households carry debt loads in the “danger zone.” Further, the accessibility of excessive amounts of credit is allowing couples to finance items, such as plasma televisions and new cars, rather than deferring purchases until they have saved enough money to buy them outright. While new purchases can evoke feelings of excitement and happiness, purchasing on credit does have a price and often a costly one.

While some couples are able to work through money problems as a team, financial debt can also have serious and negative outcomes on marital relationships, particularly those that already have unresolved issues. Increased arguments and a reduction in intimacy are typical responses to chronic stress in a marriage. In addition, the effects of on-going financial pressures place each partner at risk of both short-term and long-term health problems. Insomnia, irritability, mood changes, depression, and in some cases alcoholism and drug addictions, are faced by many couples that are subjected to high levels of stress. As many spouses continue to blame each other for their financial setbacks, and their overall health becomes jeopardized, struggles to pay interest on credit or loans can escalate and covering day-to-day expenses can become extremely difficult. Further, as financial burdens worsen, spouses may experience a sense of powerlessness in climbing their way out of financial debt and their relationship can continue to deteriorate unless a plan is set in place to deal with their money problems.

Couples need to create a plan to reduce financial stressors together. While the ultimate goal is to create a realistic budget that works for both spouses, setting some time aside to deal with anger or resentment that each person might harbour towards the other regarding their financial problems can help couples to move forward in their relationship. According to family therapists, Gary and Melisa Neuman, it is also important for people to take time to explore their “personal relationship with money,” as well as, their partner’s views about finances. For example, were your own parents savers or did they live paycheck to paycheck? Do you like to save for the future or live in the moment? Ultimately, each person’s perception about money and debt will have a direct impact on a couple’s financial goals.

Most importantly, couples need to develop a realistic and flexible budget, which takes each person’s financial goals into consideration. Within the budget, spouses need to ensure that they are taking care of family first by making mortgage or rental payments and then make a plan to pay down their debt. Create a budget that separates wants from needs. While couples feel a lot of pressure to keep up with the neighbours, don’t make purchases based on what others have. If you can’t afford a vehicle with all the bells and whistles, don’t buy it. Finally, couples need to discuss how much they would like to save for retirement and what percentage of their income will go towards day-to-day spending.

Because money and debt are such taboo topics, many couples feel alone and isolated with their problem. In the event that couples are unable to reconcile their views about money, creating a budget, or dealing with debt, seeking help from a third party is an option. A financial counselor or a marriage therapist might help spouses to deal with their financial stressors and improve a couple’s overall marital satisfaction.